Personal Journeys: The Road to Healing, Pt. 1
written by Ashley L.
The road to healing is rarely linear. Sometimes, you may not recognize the need for healing until there’s no avoiding it. I learned this the hard way. I was in the final year of my university degree, working long hours on research projects that required a lot of repetitive and precise movements. Regularly on campus from 7 in the morning until 10 at night, I worked hard and pushed myself every day, ignoring worsening pain in my muscles until I could no longer write without pain or use my arms without them shaking. I saw multiple doctors who would recommend a week of rest or painkillers—neither helped enough for me to continue my research work. After almost a year of seeing various medical professionals, I met a specialist who was able to figure out what was going on. I was diagnosed with a rare muscle disorder. With repetitive motion and strain, cold, or stress, my muscles would contract and not let go, effectively paralyzing me. I was told I would never be able to work in my chosen field—my muscles simply wouldn’t tolerate it, and I would be in constant pain if I continued.
It took me a long time to come to terms with my diagnosis, my pain, and the need for healing. I felt angry, and betrayed by my own body. I had the support of my family and friends, but I hated that I needed that support and often turned it away. Having always been an independent person, I never liked to ask for help. After a long adjustment period, medication, and some therapy, I was ready to start healing. Today, I can do many of the things I used to, and I fully intend to find a way to work in a research setting again. I still have hard days. Days when my legs shake with every step and my husband has to carry me up the stairs; days when I can’t lift a frying pan to cook something without a significant spike in pain. But these moments do not define me, and there is so much more to my life than that. Working through the pain has given me a new appreciation for every good moment I experience.
Whether the barriers we face are physical or mental, I truly believe we can all benefit from taking the time to heal. It can be hard to put yourself first in a society that encourages band-aid solutions and quick fixes for most of life’s problems, and the path to healing is not an easy one. But when we give ourselves the time to heal and put in the work necessary to do so, we open up to the possibility of growth beyond pain. To quote Robert Frost, the only way out is through. On the other side of pain, grief, and suffering, is a peace that is worth every bit of effort it takes to get there. So take the time to look inwards. Acknowledge your struggles and do the work necessary to get yourself through. You won’t regret it, and it could change your life. It has certainly changed mine.
Ashley L. is a mental health advocate and an avid appreciator of all things artistic. She graduated from University of Alberta in 2018 with a BSc specializing in Biochemistry. Through sharing her journey through chronic illness and struggles with mental health, she strives to help others through their own healing journey.
